The Wrack

The following was published in the Biddeford-Saco?Journal Tribune Sunday edition, 8/7/2016, and?Making It At Home's 8/11/2016 issue.

The orange ruffles hadnt been there last week, but now they were impossible to miss. Overnight, it seemed, a chicken-of-the-woods had returned to roost on the old oak stump in our yard.

Every morning as I make my coffee, I watch the birds at the bird feeder outside my kitchen window. The other day I noticed, perched on the deck railing near the feeder, a brownish-greyish bird throwing a temper tantrum.

The following was published in the Biddeford-Saco?Journal Tribune Sunday edition, 6/19/2016, and?Making It At Home's 6/22/2016 issue.

The week before Fathers Day, my sons gave me a great gift: they went to California for seven days with their grandmother, leaving me and my wife alone for the longest stretch of time weve had together in eight years.

The following was published in the Biddeford-Saco?Journal Tribune Sunday edition, 3/20/2016, and Making It At Home's 3/23/2016 issue.

My wife and I and our two boys moved up to Maine full-time in July 2012. We felt like wed arrived in the Garden of Eden. Lobsters were four bucks, the ocean was 73 degrees, and the outdoor season stretched well into November. It wasnt the Maine I knew from my childhood (swimmable water!?), but who cared? It was awesome.

The following was published in the Biddeford-Saco?Journal Tribune Sunday edition, 2/28/2016.

Today, I feel like a chimney swift, because Im looking for a mate!

We had been asked, at the start of the meeting, to reveal the animal we most felt like. At 89 years old, June Ficker had the best answer. Of course it was a bird, because she was the Wells Reserve at Laudholms most committed and knowledgeable master bird bander. But the uproarious looking for a mate part was so June. She had that spark, that consistent ability to deny the age society said she should act.

Shhh... don't tell anyone about my grand idea...

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The following was published in the Biddeford-Saco Journal Tribune Sunday edition of 2/7/16 and Making It At Home Thursday?edition, 2/11/2016.

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On February 12, 1809, two boys were born, one in England, one in Kentucky. Though separated by an ocean they were, by the end of their lives, united in genius, vision, and courage.

The following was published in the Biddeford-Saco Journal Tribune Sunday edition of 1/24/16 and Making It At Home Thursday?edition, 1/28/2016.

Always eager to start some new long-term monitoring project, Im now keeping track of the number of conversations I have about the weather. Im planning to henceforth keep tabs on with whom, when, and for how long we chatted. Im already certain one thing will be constant: the changing weather will be discussed in only the most general, equivocal, unchanging terms. You and I will talk about the weather, my friends, but we will say nothing new.

Santa visited the Wells Reserve at Laudholm this summer. One of these statements is false.

The following was published in the Biddeford-Saco?Journal Tribune Sunday edition, 12/20/2015.

[Trigger warning: the following paragraph may contain troubling information for preteens]

Like many parents, my wife and I get a real kick out of the Santa thing. Theres something delicious about a full month of lying, straight-faced, to our eight-year-old and five-year-old. Usually were trying to dispel myths, convey science, explain the world, and correct pronunciation. Come Christmas season, we just start making @#$# up. The holidays are a wonderful vacation from reality, arent they?

The following was published in the Biddeford-Saco?Journal Tribune Sunday edition, 10/18/2015.

Welcome to Southern Maine and peak foliage. Those blazing reds and oranges along the Turnpike and our back roads are a sight to behold. Of course, Im talking about brake lights.

The following was published in the Biddeford-Saco?Journal Tribune Sunday edition, 10/4/2015.

Just about every two weeks, for the past three years, Ive gassed up my car. On the printed receipt from the pump, I write down the mileage from the trip odometer before I reset it. Every few months, I take all the receipts out of the Altoids tin I keep them in and enter them into a spreadsheet  gallons, price per gallon, location of fill-up, miles driven  and use it to calculate my average miles per gallon, and where the reliably cheapest gas is. Embarrassingly, Ive even graphed the ebbs and flows of my refueling fun.

What can I say? I like math; I like numbers.